I am so thankful for the relationships I've made in college, and I just cannot wait to see what God has in store for all of us.
I was reminded of how God makes all things new and beautiful, and that he ultimately comes before anything. I was kind of having a trouble in my walk as I supported same sex marriage. I know, this is a very controversial topic. But as a Christian, as someone who believes in Christ and his words, I do not support same sex marriage. I'm not going to say that homosexuality is wrong and that you're gonna go to hell for being a homosexual. I'm still going to love you even though I don't believe in something you believe in -- just as how people of different religions get along (Christians and non-Christians for example). In God's timing, it'll all work out for you when you choose to follow him because he gave you free will to choose sin or him. I sound as if I am emphasizing homosexuality as a sin; it is according to the Bible but so are self-hatred, lying, and etc. We sin everyday and everyone sins differently. What I'm trying to say is that we all sin, we are all dirty -- but we are washed and cleaned through Jesus. Enough preaching, yeah? Moving on to another one that I was reminded of this past weekend..
It was amazing to see all of these different people with different struggles come together to worship one God. We were all captivated by some earthly thing(s) but this weekend, we were all captivated by our savior. This again reminded me that God makes beauty out of ashes.
It was a different experience from Theophilus. At Theophilus, I was very emotionally vulnerable as it was only a month after I had become Christian, but at this retreat, I did not feel as vulnerable. It made me realize how far I had come with my faith and how strong I have gotten these past few months. I still cried though 'cause I cry literally during every worship and maybe some sessions at retreats. I thought I was almost healed, but I guess I'm not. Digging up those memories always hurt, and it hurts especially because as time goes on, I'm realizing more things that contributed to my testimony/story.
At this one seminar about the importance of culture, I sat with this one girl to pray together. We prayed for each other, for better relationship with our parents, and for her parents to realize what Christianity is about (as her parents are Catholics). I prayed out loud for us first, then she went second. She stuttered a lot, so I asked her if it was her first time praying out loud and she said it was. I found that super cool because I was in her position once. I encouraged her to practice praying out loud and to journal her prayers and just passed down the wisdom and advices I've received. It was such a heartwarming experience.
And I had a high school senior in my group who is coming to OSU in the fall! It was so nice to talk to her and just give her advices and tell her what college is all about. Again, it was super cool and weird because I was the one who was giving advices to an incoming freshman. And I heard that she is incredibly smart. It's weird because I got a "smart" girl in my small group at Theo too. Through putting these very intelligent girls in my small groups, God is definitely telling me something. I used to always wonder how intelligent people could be Christians or just have religions in general. Seeing them so passionate about Jesus, it really opened my eyes. It doesn't matter how "smart" you are; you can still believe and have faith even if your mind is science-oriented or whatever. Everyone is capable of having faith because God made us that way.
I think I don't want to be a small group leader next time. I think I like leading at Theo is better for me than at our retreats because I actually want to talk and share things with the people in my group. But as a small group leader, I just feel this pressure to just only facilitate the conversation and listen to others.
What else..
I have changed SO much this past year. SO SO SO much. I know a lot of people say that I am different and I believe so too -- though I sometimes don't see it haha. It has come to the point where someone describes me as "gentle and kind". Yea, that's me. Weird, I know. I think my prayers have been working T_T because I always pray for a kind heart so that I can pour love on others just as how God poured love on us. I'm glad someone recognized T_T
Overall, this retreat was such a blessing. It was definitely one of the best weekends! (except for the bug bites) But it's ok!!!!!! I need to get used to bug bites for Korea!!
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