Love is action-oriented?

Love is about one's action, not feelings.
I know what you're thinking. We feel love so how is love not about one's emotion? Yeah, I have been trying to wrap my head around this concept too.

• http://aldersgate.net/love-isnt-feeling/
• http://www.gotquestions.org/love-Jesus.html
• http://www.gty.org/resources/bible-qna/BQ021312/Love-A-Feeling-or-Action- (this one is really good) "The problem, however, is that few people have any idea of what true love is. Most people, including many Christians, seem to think of it only in terms of nice feelings, warm affection, romance, and desire. When we say, “I love you,” we often mean, “I love me and I want you.” That, of course, is the worst sort of selfishness, the very opposite of agape love... Self–giving love, love that demands something of us, love that is more concerned with giving than receiving, is as rare in much of the church today as it was in Corinth. The reason, of course, is that agape love is so unnatural to human nature. Our world has defined love as “romantic feeling” or “attraction,” which has nothing to do with true love in God’s terms."
• http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermons/love-is-a-verb-not-a-feeling-dennis-selfridge-sermon-on-jesus-teachings-89407.asp?Page=5 (explains why love is an action and how the definition of love is action-oriented)
• http://www.godandscience.org/love/what_is_love.html (describes phileo and agape)
• http://www.gotquestions.org/Christian-romance.html (phileo and agape)

"I realized what I had missed"

Q: Many Christians point to some kind of personal conversion experience? Did you have one?

Malcolm Gladwell: "I realized what I had missed. It wasn’t an “I woke up one morning” kind of thing. It was a slow realization something incredibly powerful and beautiful in the faith that I grew up with that I was missing." 

http://www.religionnews.com/2013/10/09/interview-malcolm-gladwell-return-faith-writing-david-goliath/ 

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Atheists tend to nitpick on everything to try to prove that Christianity is just another religion. I can say this because I was one of them, trying to count every "evidence" that could possibly prove Christianity wrong. I would ask, "Why are Christians so hypocritical?" "If God exists, why is there "bad" things that happen in this world?" "What about evolution?" "What about the bible? How do you know all these things happened?" "Bible is full of patriarchy. If God loves us all, why is it that?" "Religions were made for people to feel secure about the unknown, right?" "Why are there so many rules that you must follow to not be a sinner? What if you're gay? How can you control who you like?"

-- The thing is that, nobody has complete answers to these questions; only God can explain. Christianity is not about trying to prove that it is right. It is about love and what your heart or Holy Spirit inside of you craves. Everybody experiences this whole "accepting Christ" differently, but for me, it was that my heart just knew that becoming Christian was the right thing to do while my brain was trying to convince my heart that it was not right by trying to nitpick on everything about the religion. I had never felt so much struggle between my heart and my brain before that.

I just want to remember how and what I felt when I made the decision to accept Christ, because I want to be able to tell this to others. I am mostly happy nowadays though I am very very stressed, I feel like I have a purpose in life, and I just feel so relieved and peaceful. I finally understand what my family believes in, why my dad always tells me "God loves you", why my grandma prays for me every night, and why my aunt sent me bible study booklets though she probably knew I didn't read them. Speaking of my aunt, she is one of the most inspiring, kind, and intelligent people I know. I want to talk to her about my faith, my life, and school. She has given me so much love my entire life and I don't even know why and looking back on it, I have never returned the love or even bothered to talk to her. I really want to visit Korea now to see her and my grandmother. I want to return the love I have received and I want to spiritually grow through them because they are such great people. I may consider going to Korea to serve at my aunt's church or something during one of my breaks. That would be really nice. 

It is ok to have a bad day.

There are going to be bad days as there are good days, so don't be so discouraged because you had a bad day. It is perfectly fine and normal to have a bad day here and there. Just look at how far you've come -- you haven't had a bad day in awhile, huh. You almost forgot what a "bad day" felt like.
Think of today as a friendly reminder to not take happy days for granted. Think of today as God's reminder to trust in him and him only. And look on the bright side! The weather outside is so beautiful and perfect. And today isn't so bad compared to the bad days I had before when I did not know God.

It is ok to have a bad day.
It is ok to feel a little sad and lonely.
It is ok to take a break from people.
It is ok to not put on a fake smile.
It is ok.

Let go and let God.

Today's sermon hit me so hard. I almost cried during it and I was so emotionally drained after the service. It made me reflect on my whole life and my obsession about controlling everything. As a perfectionist, I want to be in control of everything. I want everything to be the way I want it, and I just feel like I need to be in control of at least one thing in my life to feel secure. This is why I used to want to be in control of people too, manipulating them, which led me to being control of my own personality and image to fool others. It was not all about controlling though; my mental state was pretty unstable and I had a lot of problems within myself so I was afraid to open up and let people see my true self. But this obsession with controlling needs to end. I want God to be in charge. I want him to lead me to the right path because he has a plan for me. I am here for some purpose that only he knows.

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Another thing,
my friends and I were talking about how you get very close to others when you spiritually open up to them. And this is why I probably should open up only to my girl friends.

And one more thing,
I want to build my relationship with God and make it so strong that I won't ever fall out of my faith again. I do not think I will, but I just want to be stable in my faith. After I establish firm ground, then I think I will be ready for a relationship. I do not want any kind of distraction right now.

I really needed this.

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." - John 14:27

Today is the day

that I accepted Christ.

I still feel terribly guilty and ignorant for being in denial for so long. I know that through asking for forgiveness that I will be forgiven, but I am in so much regret. My heart should be overwhelmed with joy (and IT IS) but a large part of it is drenched in guilt.

But more importantly,
I took that leap of faith. Before taking that leap, my heart and my brain were clashing and that was the strongest feeling that I've felt my heart and my brain be in complete discord. I was struggling so hard to shut off my brain and listen to my heart, and I did -- and I will probably never ever regret this decision. I don't know if it was easier for me to rekindle my faith since I was Christian before high school and knew what it felt like to be in God's arms. But as someone who was once an atheist, I can tell you that this involved a lot of asking questions and talking to multiple people, and I can tell you that this feels way better than not having Christ in my heart.

For those of you who are iffy and on the verge of taking a leap of faith, I just want to tell you..
Follow your heart because you KNOW that it is right.