Updates?

• Biology midterm and chemistry midterm DONE. I am hoping for an A on bio and I am kind of disappointed that I didn't get 100% on chemistry when a lot of people probably did. I could have slowed down and thought things through more.
• I think it's the anxiety during test taking that makes me freak out and forget about everything. During bio midterm, I was so calm and at peace, and I did my best on the multiple choice.
• Regular classes are A LOT easier than honors classes. By a lot I mean A LOT. This is why I need to take on research this term especially because everything is easier and I feel like I can handle everything.
• I don't know if it is because I was once a Christian before that makes me easy to get back on track with my faith. I definitely have Christian morals and values and these make it whole a lot easier to be on the path of accepting Jesus. I have 80% accepted God and the bible, but I have not accepted Jesus as God's son/our savior yet. It is going to take a leap of faith to accept him, but I am going to give it a go. 
• A lot of things have been changing in my heart. The more I tell people my story, the easier it gets and more complete it gets.  I have not fully realized my entire story until I was in the process of telling, but I am so glad that I did. Essentially, all my life I was so materialistic and through materialistic and superficial things I tried to fill this "hole" in my heart that could be only filled through God. During my pastor's sermon about that God shaped hole, I tried to see what kind of things I filled the hole other than God, but I could not think of one.  But through telling my story, I realized that I have tried and tried to complete my heart with things such as clothes, appearance, good grades, partying and etc. (which eventually lead to bad things). And as I am writing this, I am realizing that those "bad things" are consequences of continuously trying to fill the hole with something that is not God himself. Now that I have realized all this, I am much more at peace. 
• It took a leap of faith to accept God and the bible but now I have to realize that God loves us all and he sacrificed his son for us. I don't understand that unconditional love so whenever we are worshipping at church, I am always like, I don't really get this concept of love so this worship is kind of weird to me but it feels right and gets me so emotional. 
• I am always so vulnerable at church. It is so weird. I think it is because I think of my family a lot and also the things that led me to falling out of my faith.
• I feel like my whole blog is going to be about Christianity now haha. Well, it's because this is like the only thing I am "working on". This probably is more important than my grades right now to be honest. Sorry mom. But not really sorry because you'd happy that I am doing this.
• I need to finish my essay like right now. I need to finish my homework too. Then I need to work on my scholarship essays tomorrow. I also have to finish my chemistry lab tomorrow too. I have so many things going on (chem lab especially pisses me off) and I am so stressed but I also want to hang out with friends. Struggles. 
• If I get an A on my paper, I will be the happiest person on this planet.. for a day.
• I've been happy for quite long (considering that my happiness usually does not last for long.. at all) so I am scared that something bad will happen. 
• But most importantly, my heart is at peace, and I am happy (even though I am super stressed). 
• I feel so blessed to have met my friends this term. I thought I wouldn't really make any close friends this year, but that obviously has changed. I cannot wait to get even closer to them.