again with the things i can't afford:

A letter to myself

I was inspired by this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs

Praise the good - even in yourself.

No one will believe in you unless you do.

This is a letter to myself, congratulating and celebrating the littlest things I've done.

Dear Rachel,

Whenever you feel like the world is bringing you down, remember that you have God and your family. They love you unconditionally - possibly more than the love you have for them. You are not unloved; You are loved. You are so loved. You are loved by the greatest God, the smartest mother, the funniest dad, and the cutest brother. 

Rachel, you have accomplished so much in your life of 20 years. You have moved around so much when you were little and you've always adapted to your new environment so quickly. You took a subway alone in second grade to a hospital that was an hour away every single week because your mom was busy taking care of your newborn baby brother. You were so brave and independent at such a young age. You thought your mom was kidding when she told you we were moving to the U.S. but when you realized it was a reality you were so happy that you could start a new chapter of your life. To not disappoint your parents and their decision, you picked up English really quickly. You were even considered as one of the best spellers in the class in fifth grade. You were always thinking of your parents and you prayed every night for their health and safety - and you still do. You broke down completely in sixth grade when a lady prayed for your parents. You are so thoughtful and loving. Even when you think you are the most apathetic coldhearted person, that lady knows that you are not. 

You are so smart, Rachel. Do you know how many teachers praised you because you were so good at math? You made into Top 10 in the state. That's a pretty big deal no matter how much you try not to think of it as a big deal. You did amazing on your SAT. With your score, you could have gone to a really good school, you know? SAT subject was a joke. You studied for math subject for a week and scored a bit below 800. Maybe you should have majored in math, not biology. You are also a decent writer (if you want to be). Do you remember that research paper you wrote in humanities in western civ that your teacher loved? 

You had turbulent teenage days.. You have lived with so many demons inside of your head and you still live with some, but the important thing is that you have decided to continue living. You are a fighter. I know some days are really difficult for you, but you still continue to live because you have tasted death. You know what death might feel like. You have come so close to it that you don't want to ever get that close to it again on purpose. You know that life is very temporary because of this -- and this makes you so wise. You appreciate life even when you say you hate everything about it. I know you feel like a failure every single day, but you are far from a failure. It is truly amazing how much you have accomplished with this condition that you have. It is amazing how you bounce back so quickly and how well you know how your brain works. 

You have a big heart. Volunteering at Sorokdo was not an easy decision, but you chose to do it. You wanted to give them love because they have been neglected for so long. Your goal as a dentist is to help the poor and give free / affordable basic dental cares to the impoverished. If this really is your goal, then you should become a dentist. The world needs more people like you, Rachel.

You chose to go to this college because of your parents - and I guess for yourself too. This college sucks, but you have made the most out of it. You got that impossible A in honors chemistry, set the curve in organic chemistry (probably multiple times), got a research assistant position, got a second dental scholarship this year and a second research scholarship (that only like four people in the school got last year), and you'll continue to accomplish so many more things in the upcoming years. With your determination and aspirations, you can do anything. Believe in yourself. There is nothing that you cannot accomplish.

Rachel, you are intelligent, thoughtful, strong,  kind, and beautiful. 

So be confident in yourself. You have ALL the reasons to be confident. 

With love, 

Rachel.

Spring break trip:

So my family and I are going on a spring break trip and we're trying to decide where to go.. My ideal spot would be Cabo, Cancun, or Maui because I love the beach / snorkeling / hot bikini weather, but there's like no ticket to those places anymore and if there are any, they're pretty expensive. So here are some places that we could maybe go over the break:

Las Vegas -->  Utah --> Arizona

Las Vegas

A stop for my dad

Sedona, Arizona

A stop for my brother and my mom

Grand Canyon

Because it's a must / my brother never has been before

Zion National Park

A stop for me because I've been wanting to go here for a long time

Zion National Park

Antelope Canyon, Arizona

A stop for my mom and me

Or..........

Alaska?

Canada Banff? 

This place I would want to go with my friends and not my brother since he'll whine about how there's nothing 'fun' to do

Iceland?

This is a must-go-to spot for me too.

But Holy shit, I want to go to Mexico.. just look at this:

Recap of 2015

My 2015 accomplishments and memorable things that happened:

• Korea trip!!! 
• Meeting with my childhood friend in 9 years
• Itaewon night with my cousin and getting home at like 5am
• Sorokdo volunteering -- definitely recommend and would do again
• Job shadowing in Korea and seeing people get colonoscopy done lolol
• Accepted Christ
• Leading small groups
• All A's winter and spring terms
• Getting my own apartment
• Getting my first job ever! and getting the research position
• Hiking with friends
• Whistler and Vancouver Canada
• Las Vegas family trip
• making Korean food for the first time
• Blacking out on my 20th
• Happiest 20th birthday with loved ones
• First time drinking with my dad
• Hanging out with old / new friends
• A in organic chem

So why do I feel like nothing happened last year

New Year's Resolutions:

2016:

1. All A's
2. Practice cello
3. Make time for friends
4. Make time for myself
5. Work on my relationship with God
6. Work out
7. Eat healthy
8. Take care of myself and do whatever makes me feel good
9. Be OK with myself everyday
10. Don't take on too much
11. But try my best
12. Learn that it's ok to be not be ok

_____________________________________________________
2015's resolutions recap:
1. Use that brain of mine to do something productive and meaningful like research or something.
I work in a lab now and I have to come up with a project this break... sigh...
2. Try to write all the random thoughts that pop up in my head throughout the day.
3. Adventure more. Hiking. Camping. Traveling.
4. Be optimistic.
5. Figure out who I am (cheesy as hell but I need to). I can be so many different people but try to pin point my personality as a whole (ok that's not possible but ugh). I don't know. It's just that I don't really know what I'm like so I can't really "be myself" and show "my true self" to others. I want to be the SAME person to everyone. I don't want people to see different parts of me; I want them to see me as a whole.
I am ok with myself now; I'm not as self-conscious around people as I was before.
6. Balancing school and fun is important, but remember how screwed up my GPA is. Keep my grades up. All A's and I mean it. Work really hard so that I won't regret it.
I half accomplished this. At least I got all A's winter and spring quarter.
7. Take a class that I'm interested in. I can always S/U it if it is difficult.
8. Make money.
9. Use the planner.
10. DON'T SKIP CLASSES IN A ROW. JUST DON'T SKIP ANY UNLESS I AM SICK/REALLYREALLYREALLY TIRED.
^ LOL. but seriously, I cannot skip anymore...
11. Go to the library OFTEN and study there. Get a study buddy to so they can watch my stuff when I have to go pee.
12. Run. run. run. Go to the gym. Also do some ab workouts, HITT, squats, and other strength exercises.
13. Drink A LOT of water.
14. Use my nespresso!
15. Be less insecure. Be comfortable in my own body and be proud of who I am. Tell myself that I am an awesome human being and there are people in this world that love me so there's a great possibility that there are more people out there who will also love me.
16. Connect with people. Go out of my way and ask them out on a coffee date or something. Step out of my comfort zone. I am going to need to interact with more people later on so why not start practicing.
17. Job shadow more. Find what I am really interested in and passionate about.
18. Use my dining dollars.
19. Practice my cello and join the orchestra.
20. Dress up more. I have clothes for a reason.
21. Actually try to wear makeup too. I don't need it but it definitely is a confidence booster.
22. Use my school resources. After all, I am paying for it.
23. Love myself. This year will be finally the year that I learn to love every part of myself completely.

Getting some inspiration / motivation from Pinterest

for healthy life / room DIY / I guess studying too..

1) First off, room / apartment DIYs. My room is so bland (and so is my apartment) so I want to add some decorations / do something to my empty wall. Sucks how I have to share a room with a roommate so I can't have her match everything with my side, but oh well. 

These washi tape crosses are super cute

Or this constellation 

Definitely doing a DIY grid board!

I think I have used up perfume bottles to do this! Also, I might just get bunch of fake flowers and plants and stuff them in jars.

I want a giant calendar for my room

This is super cool too.

I want a gallery wall for my room / apartment

2) Now on to healthy life... sigh

My body has been through a lot past couple weeks -- alcohol, no exercising, overeating, junk food, late night snacking... pretty much a typical college student life but sadly, I don't feel good about myself when I keep doing this to my body. I should keep up with my plant based diet for my body (my grandma gave me a long talk about eating veggies today sigh lol) and stop eating ramen at night.. I know eating junk food sometimes isn't bad but in future times I don't want to be forced to eat it just because of social aspect of it -- like late mcdonalds run. no more. never. And I need to start exercising again because my body literally feels like a ball that can't do anything. 

Make a better fucking choice, Rachel.

How cute and delicious does this look?!

Doesn't this look way better than chips??!

Look you can do some meal planning ahead of time so that you won't get pizza

3) Next week is dead week. I have decided that I am going to all day everyday (because if I don't I am literally gonna die). No socializing whatsoever. Just study 24/7. I have all my finals on Monday and Tuesday. Yeah. I am going to suffer miserably.. but I will survive... maybe. I need some real motivation because I haven't gotten anything done at home yet. I will do this fucking ochem homework, do some study questions for Anatomy. Tomorrow I will do rest of ochem/go over video lecture, geo homework, and do more Anatomy questions and memorize damn muscles for lab. Fuck memorization though. It's literally impossible to get an A....... I literally have to get all A's on my finals... I mean I did last year but that's a different story. I am now in 300 level classes and shit is real.. esp anatomy. I need to get my shit together and go to office hours / review sessions too (though there will be only one this week). Omg. I literally need to study my ass off. Help.

Gifts for friends?

Random apartment decorations are always nice

I need more silverware!! because sometimes we get too lazy to do dishes

 -- so preferably cute ones would make nice gift

Who doesn't love stuffed vegetables?!

These are so cute!

Cute bowls are so cute lol 

Fake plants yes

Who doesn't want more cushions?

And pug cushions?

And lunch boxes? You can pack your lunch AND dinner for those long library days.

For that friend who's obsessed with sushi

For that DAB friend

This is so adorable

Wall decoration how cute

Tea cup so fancy

How about fun card game?

Ok when did I start sounding super sarcastic

I need this

I need this strainer thing too

Paper towel holder

Dish rack thingy

Whisk

Laundry drying rack

After coming to college / moving into apartment,

I feel like all me and my friends want are like practical things for our place & decorations for it.