A letter to myself

I was inspired by this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-HYZv6HzAs

Praise the good - even in yourself.

No one will believe in you unless you do.

This is a letter to myself, congratulating and celebrating the littlest things I've done.

Dear Rachel,

Whenever you feel like the world is bringing you down, remember that you have God and your family. They love you unconditionally - possibly more than the love you have for them. You are not unloved; You are loved. You are so loved. You are loved by the greatest God, the smartest mother, the funniest dad, and the cutest brother. 

Rachel, you have accomplished so much in your life of 20 years. You have moved around so much when you were little and you've always adapted to your new environment so quickly. You took a subway alone in second grade to a hospital that was an hour away every single week because your mom was busy taking care of your newborn baby brother. You were so brave and independent at such a young age. You thought your mom was kidding when she told you we were moving to the U.S. but when you realized it was a reality you were so happy that you could start a new chapter of your life. To not disappoint your parents and their decision, you picked up English really quickly. You were even considered as one of the best spellers in the class in fifth grade. You were always thinking of your parents and you prayed every night for their health and safety - and you still do. You broke down completely in sixth grade when a lady prayed for your parents. You are so thoughtful and loving. Even when you think you are the most apathetic coldhearted person, that lady knows that you are not. 

You are so smart, Rachel. Do you know how many teachers praised you because you were so good at math? You made into Top 10 in the state. That's a pretty big deal no matter how much you try not to think of it as a big deal. You did amazing on your SAT. With your score, you could have gone to a really good school, you know? SAT subject was a joke. You studied for math subject for a week and scored a bit below 800. Maybe you should have majored in math, not biology. You are also a decent writer (if you want to be). Do you remember that research paper you wrote in humanities in western civ that your teacher loved? 

You had turbulent teenage days.. You have lived with so many demons inside of your head and you still live with some, but the important thing is that you have decided to continue living. You are a fighter. I know some days are really difficult for you, but you still continue to live because you have tasted death. You know what death might feel like. You have come so close to it that you don't want to ever get that close to it again on purpose. You know that life is very temporary because of this -- and this makes you so wise. You appreciate life even when you say you hate everything about it. I know you feel like a failure every single day, but you are far from a failure. It is truly amazing how much you have accomplished with this condition that you have. It is amazing how you bounce back so quickly and how well you know how your brain works. 

You have a big heart. Volunteering at Sorokdo was not an easy decision, but you chose to do it. You wanted to give them love because they have been neglected for so long. Your goal as a dentist is to help the poor and give free / affordable basic dental cares to the impoverished. If this really is your goal, then you should become a dentist. The world needs more people like you, Rachel.

You chose to go to this college because of your parents - and I guess for yourself too. This college sucks, but you have made the most out of it. You got that impossible A in honors chemistry, set the curve in organic chemistry (probably multiple times), got a research assistant position, got a second dental scholarship this year and a second research scholarship (that only like four people in the school got last year), and you'll continue to accomplish so many more things in the upcoming years. With your determination and aspirations, you can do anything. Believe in yourself. There is nothing that you cannot accomplish.

Rachel, you are intelligent, thoughtful, strong,  kind, and beautiful. 

So be confident in yourself. You have ALL the reasons to be confident. 

With love, 

Rachel.