"I realized what I had missed"

Q: Many Christians point to some kind of personal conversion experience? Did you have one?

Malcolm Gladwell: "I realized what I had missed. It wasn’t an “I woke up one morning” kind of thing. It was a slow realization something incredibly powerful and beautiful in the faith that I grew up with that I was missing." 

http://www.religionnews.com/2013/10/09/interview-malcolm-gladwell-return-faith-writing-david-goliath/ 

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Atheists tend to nitpick on everything to try to prove that Christianity is just another religion. I can say this because I was one of them, trying to count every "evidence" that could possibly prove Christianity wrong. I would ask, "Why are Christians so hypocritical?" "If God exists, why is there "bad" things that happen in this world?" "What about evolution?" "What about the bible? How do you know all these things happened?" "Bible is full of patriarchy. If God loves us all, why is it that?" "Religions were made for people to feel secure about the unknown, right?" "Why are there so many rules that you must follow to not be a sinner? What if you're gay? How can you control who you like?"

-- The thing is that, nobody has complete answers to these questions; only God can explain. Christianity is not about trying to prove that it is right. It is about love and what your heart or Holy Spirit inside of you craves. Everybody experiences this whole "accepting Christ" differently, but for me, it was that my heart just knew that becoming Christian was the right thing to do while my brain was trying to convince my heart that it was not right by trying to nitpick on everything about the religion. I had never felt so much struggle between my heart and my brain before that.

I just want to remember how and what I felt when I made the decision to accept Christ, because I want to be able to tell this to others. I am mostly happy nowadays though I am very very stressed, I feel like I have a purpose in life, and I just feel so relieved and peaceful. I finally understand what my family believes in, why my dad always tells me "God loves you", why my grandma prays for me every night, and why my aunt sent me bible study booklets though she probably knew I didn't read them. Speaking of my aunt, she is one of the most inspiring, kind, and intelligent people I know. I want to talk to her about my faith, my life, and school. She has given me so much love my entire life and I don't even know why and looking back on it, I have never returned the love or even bothered to talk to her. I really want to visit Korea now to see her and my grandmother. I want to return the love I have received and I want to spiritually grow through them because they are such great people. I may consider going to Korea to serve at my aunt's church or something during one of my breaks. That would be really nice.