11/25

I love home. I am thankful that I always have a place and family to go back to. I truly appreciate what my parents have done for me and the unconditional love they give me. I feel nothing but love when I am here.

Today I ate an animal in four months after becoming officially a vegetarian. I debated on whether to have it or not, because I knew I wouldn't die from having one but it surely did not feel right to do so. But it was something that my dad prepared for me. He was so excited to have dinner as a family all together and got really excited to cook for me. I felt that it was rude to not even have one bite of it so I did eat it. I think I am finally going to tell my parents that I am a vegetarian soon, and I hope that they'd be supportive in my decision.
My mother talked to me earlier how it was cruel to wear/buy something that was filled with duck feather and made with leather. Well, isn't it also cruel to eat them? If we can survive without eating them, why do we?

Christianity is still a question for me. I have Christian values and morals for the most part, but I don't have faith -- and faith is what you absolutely need to be a Christian. I just don't believe in the bible because there are a lot of controversies surrounding the stories in it, and I personally don't agree with some aspects in it. And I feel like Christianity is just a loving community. I have cried before when someone prayed for me, but I am not sure if it was God's work or if it was that person's sympathy and recognition of my pain that I needed. I cannot force myself to believe in something that I don't have faith in, but I really do want to be a Christian. I want to be able to see what my family sees. I want to be able to connect with them spiritually too. But I don't know if I'll actually become a Christian if I actively want to be a Christian to fit in with my family. I don't know.

balance

My tumblr post from earlier in the month and saving it on here because I really like it and I need to constantly remind myself of this:

It’s honestly so weird being able to be care less and be more free, going with the flow, and taking it easy. The first few weeks of college was really hard for me, because the perfectionist side of me wanted to do well in every aspect of college life. I wanted the very best grades, social life, and I had it planned it all out how I’m going to balance everything out. Boy, I was wrong. Balance is NOT about planning; it is about going with the flow, making mistakes, fixing them, being unbalanced, and balanced again. Balance is not about perfectionism; it is about being imperfect in everything, but finding beauty and happiness in having imperfections in everything. I thought I knew what maintaining “balance” meant because I even got that as my tattoo, haha. But really, balance is the key to happiness. 

Take it easy. Let life just take you. Everything is going to be ok.